Hilarious questions travelers ask

Forehead-slapping questions and / or guests complaints:

Not so Frequently Asked Questions, but deserve to be mentioned in my blog. Personally, I think those are hilarious, but most of the time, I am pulling my hair out when get asked, so here it goes.

Guest in Fort Myers Home:

Guest – Q: How do I turn the lights on?
Me – A: With the light switch?

Memorial Weekend, May 27 – 30

Me: I am on vacation, but I have an assistant who will be checking the e-mails to take care of all your needs.  Please text me only in the emergencies and I will go out of my way to take care of you!

Guests: sent 204 texts, mostly asking where is a wash clothe or can they use BBQ . . ., but he winner goes to Matt, who was staying at Estero # 5 (note: all the access codes, check-in time (4PM), direction, etc is e-mailed automatically upon the completion of reservation)

Guest – Q: TEXT: Ella, it is 2PM now and I have arrived to Estero # 2, but it seems like the new furniture was just delivered and the place is dirty.  I tried to get in, but could not.  I expect that all the construction will be done by 4pm.  Also, how can I get inside?

Me: (Luckily, I was on the boat going though everglades city, where the phone on occasion had weak signal, so I was able to respond, and only on the very top on the boat where there were thousands blood-thirsty mosquitos.  I was covered black in mosquitos, and cried from getting bitten. Yet, I have texted back:  Matt, all was e-mailed to you per completion, as well as the note to contact my assistant, as well that you are staying in # 5!!!!!

Guest: I got in to # 5!

Guest in Coral Reef Beach Suite:

Guest – Q: The beach was too sandy! All the kids’ toys are covered in sand. Ella, can you do something about it?
Me – A: . . .(still thinking about what I can do about the beach being to sandy . . . )

Guest in Ocean Level Beach suite:

Guest – Q: We left a cake on the table, went for a swim and when we got back to discovered that the ants were all over the cake. Will you reimburse us $50.00 for the the lost of cake?
Me – A: No

Guest in Ocean Level Beach suite:

Guest – Q: Ella, you said that Gulf of Mexico has dolphins and if we are lucky, we may see one. We did not see any dolphins and our vacation was ruined!
Me – A: Sorry . . .


Guest – Q: I did not see anywhere where it says that there is a pool.  Do you have a pool?

Me: – A: No

Guest in Red Apple Beach Suite:

Guest Ryan – Q: Can I have all my money back?
Me – A: Why? Ryan, what could be possible wrong? I was there every day, asking you if you need anything . . . You said all was perfect to my face and now you are e-mailing me about getting all your money back!

Ryan – Q: The thread count on the bedding was not high enough for me to sleep on it.
Me – A: 800 thread count is what I sleep on in Naples (Naples is located in Collier County. It has a population of almost 20,000 and is considered as one of the wealthiest cities in the United States. The majority of the population consists of millionaires and it has one of the highest percentages of millionaires in a city. See 9 most expensive cities in FL). . . How many thread count do you sleep at home? On Your CC receipt, I did take look at the town you live in and the median home price there is $98,000

Guest in North Carolina Cabin:

Guest – Q: There is a scary looking spider on the deck, what should I do with it?
note: the question is coming from 6”2 guy, so obviously he should not be scared
Me – A: Walk by? Kill it? What do you want to do with it?
Note: Personally, when I see a spider, the question what to do with it does not even cross my mind.

Guest in Aqua Beach Suite:

The question came at 11:45pm . . .I was sleeping
Guest – Q: Hi Ella, I have an ant just crawl into my bawl of serial, what do I do?
Me – A: Ma’am, I am very sorry, we have ants in Florida and we have the regular pest control, but can’t predict the ants’ intrusions. I have two different kinds of ant spray in the drawer, welcome to use those. Again, I am sorry.
Guest – Q: None of those are organic / healthy base!
Me – A: I am sorry about it, and please do not spray the serial. Welcome to go to the store and purchase an ant spray of your choice and I will reimburse you.
Guest – Q: Well, back home in “such and such” state, we have a special thing for ants…
Note 1: I am thinking: So you do have ants in your state after all. My question (which I did not ask the guest) is when the ant crawls into your serial at home at midnight, whom do you call?
Note 2: My family members see me on the phone at midnight, and asking what is the emergency? I say: an ants just crawled inside of the serial bawl.
Me – A: Yes, I guess those little buggers are just everywhere, right… and it is midnight. Can we discuss about it in the morning?

Guest in Fort Myers Home:

Guest – Q: The house has small steps, what should I do?
Me – A: When you see a step, step up, or step down, depending if you are going up or down.
Guest – Q: Can you put it in your instructions book, so the other people know what to do when they see a step?
Me – A: Yes

Guest in Fort Myers Home:

Guest – Q: I have a great news for you! All your TV, Blue Ray, Internet cables and other cables in the house were very disorganized, so I have un plugged them all and lined up in the proper order. I hope it is OK?!
Me – A: OK
note: When I walked inside of home after her departure, I found all the cables were in the middle of the living room, lined up according the color and the length. ( Literally slapped my forehead) I called the Internet service provider so they could come by and plug them all back where their needed to be.   (note: Cost me $96 per service call.)

Guest in Red Apple Beach Suite:

Guest – Q: I am requesting the full amount to be credited back to me or I’ll dispute the transaction with TripAdvisor and leave you negative feedback.

Reasons: 1. The air-conditioning was turned to 80 degrees.  2. There was no place to put any of our suite cases.  3. We could not leave our toddle unattended at any time! The glass coffee table was made of glass and very dangerous for our kid.

Me  – A: 1. Turn the AC down to the temperature that is comfortable to you. 2. The Red Apple Beach Suite is close to 300 sq. ft. a bit over the regular hotel room.  I am sure there was a space for your suite cases.  3. Please do not tell me that you leave your toddle unattended , are you?

Guest – Q: never heard back from him

Question from North Carolina cabin:

Guest – Q: I have examined the cabin and found a little crack in the outlet. Luckily, I found a fire Extinguisher in the kitchen! I will be sleeping right next to the outlet with the fire extinguisher in my hands just to be sure, OK?
Me – A: OK.

Off Website:

Guest – Q: Can you tell me what the weather be like in 6 months, from Aug 18th to 22nd?
A: Warm

Quest in North Carolina cabin:

Guest – Q: There are trees on one side and the trees on the other side. The road in-between is covered with leafs. I stopped my car, because I cannot see the road. Where should I drive?
Me – A: On the area that does not have the trees, in the middle.
Guest – Q: Can you be with me on the phone as I am driving?
Me – A: Yes.

Guest in Coral Reef Beach Suite:

Guest – Q: Ella, we were bitten by mosquitos!! You should have warned us that they fly around the condo.
Me – A: OK.
Guest – Q: Ella, you must put a sign near property ” Beware of Mosquitos”
Me – Q: The moment I get a free time
Note: Most states have ” Beware of Dog” ( I did not say that to the guest)

Off Website

Guest – Q: I know you have no pets policy, but can I bring my Pit Bull Terrier, names Cupcake anyway?

Me – A: No

Guest – Q: But Cupcake is so cute, please please please

Me – A: No

I am glad that you took the time to read my blog in regards to funny questions.  If you happen to have similar question, do not hesitate contact me no matter how bizarre it may be.  I am fascinated with the humanity and do not take personally no matter how crazy the question or the complaint is.  I love people of all personalities and admire the unique nature of each.  I am looking forward to connect!

And you are up at midnight concern about the little ant and really need some one to listen to you, please call if I am around I will pick up.  After all, someone has to  . . .  for I value the communication.